Top 10 TGIF Shows of the 90′s

The Top (and Bottom) 10 TGIF Shows of the 90′s:  In Order of Memorability

From the late 1980s to the mid 1990s Friday nights actually had SOMETHING on TV to watch. And, for the most part it was aimed toward kids and teens because ya know, mayhem and illegal activities were unknown to the 10 year old crowd.

It’s Friday in 1992, and you’re seven years old. You get out of school, had your afternoon filled with playing outside, Power Rangers and Batman: the Animated Series. Now, you nabbed some sleeping bags and headed over to a friend’s house with pizza, hunkered down in front of the TV to watch “TGIF.”  It was the night where ABC dominated home, and kids all over would laugh, and of course learn “important”, but in reality, idiotic life lessons.

TGIF (for the uninitiated) was a TV show lineup that aired on Friday nights from 8PM to 10PM. The shows were usually family oriented and focused on being comedic in nature and sometimes tried to have” life lessons,” however these were usually schmaltzy, and even had “sympathetic “ music play during them, which is when I would take a bathroom break, knowing they were ridiculous, even as a prepubescent.  Anyway, TGIF stood for “Thank Goodness It’s Friday,” and it even had its own musical intro and outro, hosts, and from time to time special TV events; like clips from upcoming Disney movies, since Disney bought ABC around this time, and previews of the new Saturday morning cartoons that would debut the next day.

The lineup had a wide selection of shows ranging from crap, like You Wish and Dinosaurs, to really poignant coming of age comedies like Boy Meets World.  This lineup was established for quite some time, with shows like Perfect Strangers and Webster, but it wasn’t really until shows like Full House that the lineup became the standard for our generation. I will focus on the ten shows that I think really were the most memorable, good or bad.

The Not So Remembered:

10. You Wish

In the mid 90s there was resurgence in supernatural based sitcoms on TGIF. Essentially the purpose was to echo others of the past, such as Bewitched. The most popular and successful of these shows was Sabrina the Teenage Witch, which I will get into later in this list. While that show was essentially a Bewitched of the 90s, You Wish, attempted the same, mirroring itself on I Dream of Jeannie. Did it succeed; well do YOU remember this show…exactly.

On to the show itself, You Wish follows single working mom, Gillian Apple, which if that doesn’t sound like a porn name I don’t know what does. Anyway she picks up a magic lamp at a rug shop owned by Sallah from Raider’s of the Lost Ark. The genie in the lamp becomes indebted to her for his freedom, and lives with her and her children, thus causing sit-com hijinks to ensue.

Was it good?

No, but it wasn’t a blight to humanity or the worst show ever. It was standard, stock, and nobody bought it. When you start introducing long lost grandfathers in your first season you know there are problems. Even as a kid I knew it was pathetic and usually changed the channel or played Super Nintendo for a half hour until the next show in the block was on. It just came off as lazy, and to be frank “Sabrina” while still cheesy, did have better jokes, I mean TV’s Frank from “MST3K” wrote on it for a while, and even Penn Jillette was a recurring character. So, you can see they were trying when they made that show, was it funny, no, but at least an effort was being made.

9. Teen Angel

Also from the fantasy sit-com pile, Teen Angel is the story of Marty, who one night hungry, probably high as well, ate a six month old hamburger under his friend Steve’s bed on a dare. This of course kills Marty and now he is Steve’s guardian angel, who attempts to help his friend, but usually fails abysmally, and gets chewed out by God’s cousin Rod, played by Shepherd from Firefly, regularly throughout the series.

This show was created by Al Jean and Mike Reiss both veteran writers on The Simpsons during the golden days of that series. The premise of the show was rather unique of a TGIF show, it started off pretty dark with someone dying in episode 1, had a sarcastic humor, and even some interesting ideas. Since Marty was dead no one saw him, classic movie angel rules, but he pulls an invisible man in one episode and covers himself in makeup to become visible. All mind you, to try and make out with some girl.

To be honest, I kinda liked Teen Angel as a kid. It took risks, for a family show, made light of usually taboo subjects on TGIF, in this case death, and even broke the fourth wall. This happened when Steve’s mom, played by Brady Bunch alumnus Maureen McCormick, left the show mid-season, and Steve’s dad was introduced later. Usually, TGIF would just ignore that character and pretend they never existed (i.e.: Morgan’s recasting on Boy Meets World.) But, this still was a show riding the “Sabrina” fanta-com, yes I just invented that term, wave. Everyone saw through this, and a show about a dead kid doesn’t really sell with parents, so this was canceled after one season as well.

8.  Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper

This is where the reviews get much easier to explain, the premises from here on are your standard TGIF programming.  And speaking of standard TGIF, I bring you Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper. The premise was Mark Cooper,  former NBA player turns to being a high school teacher, and moves in with two women, since they need a third person to make rent. This of course leads to family-friendly sexual tension, and dragging out a romance for five seasons. Man, and I thought Jim and Pam took forever on The Office.

Was it good?

Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper was essentially a hybrid of many sitcom elements. For example, it was produced by the guys who made Full House, and I believe they may have referenced that show in the dialog once in a while, I even think they did a crossover at some point, but all my searching  has led to hazy answers. Also, it felt very much like The Cosby Show, having a predominantly black cast, and a similar family-friendly approach to humor. This even had a little Head of the Class/ Welcome Back Kotter thing going on with the teacher angle. Not to mention the premise of the show, one guy living with two women, where sexual tensions flare and a romance buds. Yeah, I saw Three’s Company as well, ABC, thanks for the ten minutes it took to create that story. Also, I love the dropped “g” in “Hangin’” it really makes me think an executive was yelling the following: “No! We need to sell this as an URBAN ‘Three’s Company’ drop that ‘g’!”

This show was lame. It was boring; the characters were half-assed and just felt like someone tossed darts at a board of sit-com clichés, drunkenly I might add, and ta-da, new show. However, it did quite well, and lasted for five seasons. Sure, retooling happened, but to be fair five seasons for a TGIF show, and staying on ABC for its full run, is quite rare. So, this show may be bland, but it least it was consistently bland.

7.  Clueless

This of course was the TV-Series based off a movie, based off a Jane Austen book. So, of course it’s very true to its source material.  Anyway, to break down the basics of the show, Clueless is the TV-series based off the 1995 film about a rich girl in California, rife with 90s slang and playing matchmaker at school with random people she finds to fit together. The series followed this pattern as well as other misadventures involving proms, box socials, and other stereotypical girly nonsense I don’t care about.

The show did do well, but ABC cancelled it before seeing the figures…geniuses. It was later moved to UPN and had a decent run for that network. It lasted three seasons overall.  It even ran in syndication for a few years after, and probably still does on obscure cable channels or local stations.

Was it good?

The show overall was not that bad. Having an older sister I was kind of forced to watch reruns of this while I waited for “Power Rangers” to come on. Honestly, it wasn’t gag inducing, aside from many of the 90s stereotypes, compared to other TGIF fodder with their emotionally schmaltzy crap. It had decent acting for the genre, until UPN took over and changed the dynamic from slower humor to more fast paced and pop culture driven. Overall, not a bad show, but really for the girls out there, obviously.

6. Perfect Strangers

Perfect Strangers was the show that spawned Steve Urkel…indirectly. But first, what was this show? Remember Mork & Mindy, the fish out of water comedy about an alien trying to adjust to earth culture? This is the same show, seriously, even has the same creator. The only difference between the two shows is the “fish” in the story. Mork, an alien from another planet, now replaced with Balki, immigrant from the island of Mypos (aka NOT-Greece.) Both were loud annoying characters who didn’t understand Earth (American) culture, and had people who cared about them that went crazy trying to control them. In this case instead of Mindy we have Larry, Balki’s distant cousin.

Was it good?

That’s it really – the show was nothing but a Mork & Mindy/ Odd Couple third cousin, with a nice layer of subtle racism towards immigrants to tie it all together. Seriously, everything Balki says is like something Fievle’s dad would dream about “In America they have SHOES!” See he’s not from American so he’s dumb, which makes it funny, HA.HA. Seriously, what was ABC trying to say with this show?

Despite what I thought, the show did incredibly well. It stayed on for eight years, making it one of the longest running ABC TGIF shows in the block’s history. It also created the spin-off, Family Matters which made that a mega hit. However, I still put it low on the list, because no one in their early twenties even remembers this show, and its spin-off Family Matters reached pop culture heights that Perfect Strangers never achieved.

5. Full House

While it didn’t have the most creative writing, or really “writing” at all, Full House did seem to pull everyone under the age of nine into its viewership, and for some reason kept everyone attached to it for years to come. The show followed a widower, Danny Tanner, his friend Joey and brother-in-law Jesse living in a house trying to raise his three daughters, hence a “full house,” subtle. While I don’t remember ever laughing at this show, even as a kid, what came off as most memorable was the life lesson moment that came at the end of every episode, which taught some nonsense like, “Daddy still loves you, even if you broke the lamp. Aww.”

The things to note if you watch any episode now, is how hilarious it is to see Bob Saget trying his hardest be nice and clean, when in reality he is a filthy comic who is actually funny, albeit bitter. Also, Joey, played by someone as funny as renewing your mortgage, Dave Coulier, is just creepy when you really look at him and his character. Obsessed with Bullwinkle at the age of 40 (which comprises most of Dave’s act even to this day) and refusing to get a job and move out of his friend’s house, while still making creepy cartoon voices to teenage girls, may make Uncle Joey about as weird as the bike shop owner on that one episode of “Diff-Rent Strokes.”

Was it good?

Was Full House a good show? No, but it made some serious money. The only other bland comedy that I think this mirrors today is Two and a Half Men, which is just horrible, but still rakes in cash from the elderly viewers, aka CBS, and is syndicated all over the place. This of course gave Charlie Sheen more money to use on doing cocaine, trashing hotels, and smacking women, because, you know, he was on a family show, and that’s how sit-com stars roll.  Now he’s got tiger blood.  Yeow!

4. Family Matters

Oh man, this show was the biggest thing as a kid, it was everywhere, and just about every show had a joke about it, The Simpsons would bash it almost regularly, as well as Pinky and the Brain. Family Matters followed a black family living in Chicago, whose father was a fat cop, played by the fat cop in Die Hard, can you say type cast?

The show was actually a spin-off of Perfect Strangers, a show about Bronson Pinchoit playing an annoying character (See Above). So, of course, the breakout star of Family Matters was Steve Urkel, easily the MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER EVER DEVISED! A skinny nerd with high-water pants and a loud nasally voice. He basically looked like those nerds you’d see on Saved by the Bell, walking stereotypes if you will.

Was it good?

For some God-forsaken reason his character became the big star of the show, and would even make cameos on other ABC programs, like Full House, to boost ratings. But as soon as this phenomenon of obnoxious nerdiness came, it quickly went, and it was taken off of TGIF and moved to CBS. Where they attempted to do a Friday night lineup of their own, which failed so badly that Family Matters’ last episode, a two-parter, never was completed…Thank God! I personally believe Urkel is the reason it took ten more years for America to get a black president. The Urkel dance did to us as a nation getting past color barriers as George Lucas did to me after I saw “Epiosde I.”

3.  Step by Step

Remember that show about a single mother and a single father who get married and take their respective kids to live together in a new home, yeah me too it was called The Brady Bunch. Seeing how successful that was, ABC copied the idea and made Step by Step. Haha…get it …Step by Step, cause they’re step…brothers…and sisters…oh forget it.

Was it good?

The show basically took the creepy amount of happiness in The Brady Bunch and instead had the kids hate each other and constantly fight, just like YOUR family. The family, again, consisted of stereotypes: the tomboy, the nerd…again identified by glasses, the surfer, the blatant Wayne’s World knockoff, the smart opinionated girl, and the valley girl.  Although a valley girl joke by 1994 was already a dated and lame, hell all of these were. It’s like someone thinking that stereotypes from a decade ago would work in the current era. At that rate they should have had hippies and greasers in there while they were at it. To be fair, Step by Step was funnier than the last two shows, still not great and the jokes for the most part were lame, it did have a little more real dialogue with kids who said sarcastic quips, and insulted each other, which compared to Full House was like Tarantino dialogue.

2. Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.  That’s the premise right there, I don’t need to explain anymore. OK, fine, Clarissa, from Clarissa Explains It All plays a teenage witch, based off of the Archie comics’ character, who would become a cartoon on ABC Saturday mornings shortly after .

Was it good?

This show was again, not really funny, but it was mildly entertaining, and would occasionally have an interesting face appear like the always-awesome Penn, or in an episode Frank Coniff, aka TV’s Frank from “MST3K.” Poor Frank, he must have really needed cash. ABC tried to do all sorts of gimmicks to profit off “Sabrina, “such as shows like You Wish and Teen Angel, which I mentioned earlier. Eventually “Sabrina” was moved to the WB, retooled, and finally canceled, but despite the flaws, it was still one of the better TGIF shows.

1. Boy Meets World

This was THE show; every kid loved this TGIF staple, and would watch every week. If you came in to school Monday missing that week’s episode you were out of the loop, it was really the water cooler show for kids drinking juice boxes. The show followed the exploits of a young boy, Corey Matthews, growing up, living and learning from his teacher and neighbor Mr.Feeny. Who handed down life lessons, which actually made some sense. The show lasted eight years and went from Corey’s middle school days, up until he left college to go off to New York.

Was it good?

The show obviously had a heart, but didn’t pour as much sap on as Full House and had characters that were actually entertaining. On top of that, the show was legitimately funny.  The character Eric, Corey’s dimwitted brother, was played by Will Friedle, later the voice of Terry McGinnis in Batman Beyond, was one of the funniest and in the earlier seasons, best developed characters in the series.

The show really defined what it was to be a kid growing up in suburbia, in an essence it was a later generation’s The Wonder Years, funny and sentimental. The only problems are episodes focusing on Shawn with his family in the trailer park. They were usually the least funny and most hammy in acting. But aside from that I feel it is a high watermark for family programming, and easily the best TGIF ever produced.

Now, TGIF is extinct. ABC is aiming for new markets to produce content. It still tries to be a family network, with shows like Dancing with the Stars and other bland inoffensive tripe. But, in an age of the internet and quality cable shows on AMC, FX, and of course premium channels like HBO, the day of TGIF and basic network TV is heading for the way of the Dodo.  Therefore, they are trying for somewhat edgier programming, like Lost and Modern Family. The problem being, with shows like Mad Men and The Walking Dead being able to do so much more and not worry about a family image ABC is at a crossroads and will eventually have to adapt to change for its viewers, or be left by the wayside permanently, which is where I see the old networks ABC, NBC, and CBS heading if things don’t change.

Top 10 Interesting Facts About Chess

In this list we approach some of the most interesting areas and facts relating to chess which makes it one of the most popular games.  Its long history and dynamic nature have produced many chess players around the world – according to The Chess in the Olympics Campaign, “605 million people worldwide know how to play chess.”

Here are 10 of the most interesting areas/facts about chess:

10. The History Of Chess

Chess has a very long and distinguished history.  It is believed to originate out of India during the Gupta empire, and subsequently made its way to the West in the 9^th century.  Of course there have been many different advancements between the time periods of then and now, which has made chess what it is today.

For instance, allowing pawns to advance two squares only from its original position was introduced in 1280 in Spain.  Pawn promotion rules were limited for quite some time, such as in the 18^th and 19^th century when it was limited to a previously-capture piece.  Of course, now a pawn may be promoted to a knight, bishop, rook, or queen (there may be more than one queen now, as opposed to earlier times).

9. Short and Long Games

In chess it is amazing to consider how short or long a game may be.  To the former the quickest mate is as follows: 1. f3 e5 2. g4 Qh4++ This is known as Fool’s mate (there are other variations of this mate).  And yes, a draw or resignation may occur before a move is played, which can occur in the case of a tournament standings scenario or a player that fails to show up for his or her game, respectively.

The longest tournament game of chess lasted for 269 moves (20 hours, 15 minutes), which ended in a draw.  Theoretical estimates for a longest game are varied and extreme (5,000+ moves), which are complicated by special rules (and bad play!); i.e. the 50-move rule and 3-move repetition.

8. The Dynamic Queen

There could be a top 10 list just on the queen, which has undergone a number of changes over history.

Starting out as being able to move only one square diagonally, it was later able to move two squares – and further along the road, able to move like a knight.  Of course now, thankfully, the queen is able to move diagonally, horizontally, and vertically to the scope of another piece.

Originally the queen was the “fers,” a counselor or prime minister, the king’s advisor.  The Europeans later changed it in the 1400s to become the strongest piece in chess.

7. Can You Play Chess Blindfolded?

Blindfold chess is real and documented in world records.  It is as it sounds: a player makes all of his or her moves without looking at a board.  Usually there is a “middle man” of sorts to give and receive moves for the game.

Blindfold chess is an impressive skill that many stronger chess players possess.  It certainly requires a keen ability to see the board clearly, which can get difficult after many moves.  The record was set in 1960 in Budapest by Hungarian Janos Flesch, who played 52 opponents simultaneously while blindfolded – he won 31 of those games.

6. Endless Possibilities

After three moves – that is three moves by each side (each “move” in chess takes into consideration a move by White and Black) – there are over nine million possible positions.  Similar calculations have been made; if you’re mathematically-inclined, look up Shannon number for estimates on the complexity of chess.

The possibilities in chess add to its beauty.  You surely don’t have to worry of the same position when you play, which lends to the importance of pattern recognition and position-specific strategies.  In other words, you have to think when at the board – it’s definitely not all the same.

5. Care for Opening Theory?

Opening theory goes nicely along with the “endless” possibilities regarding chess.  An opening is defined as a series of moves to start out a game, which can include many different sub variations.  There are well over 1,000 different openings, including variations within larger openings/defenses that one can learn.

Openings are a unique aspect of chess as well.  It also allows chess players a way to “prepare” for an opponent or play to their chess style.  For instance, there are many different types of defenses that one can learn to suit an aggressive or positional style of play; i.e. the King’s Indian or the Queen’s Indian defenses respectfully against 1. d4.

4. The Onset of Chess Variants…And Boxing?

To no surprise the market of chess variants is wide and varied (sorry, pun intended).  There are a number of variants that alter the pieces, the board, and anything from putting three chess boards on top of each other.  You can even put two chess boards side-by-side and play Bughouse – where you capture a piece and hand it to your opponent for placement.

Chess boxing has emerged in recent years, mixing in a round of boxing for a pre-defined time on a chess board.  You fall on one front and you lose.  It brings another interesting aspect to the world of chess and its variants, which certainly appeal to some people looking for a new twist.

3. Chess Computers – Deep Blue and Others

Chess computers are now a very important part of chess.  Most famously Garry Kasparov, world champion and known as one of the strongest players in the history of chess, was defeated by IBM’s Deep Blue in 1997 in a six-game match.  Aside from claims of cheating, this was a major shock to the chess world.

In 2006 world champion Vladimir Kramnik was defeated by Deep Fritz, furthering the statement of the strength of chess computers.  Today chess programs are easily available to chess players that are essential in analyzing games and improving.  They commonly rate within the same strength of Grandmasters.

2. Chess and Your Brain

Chess is often cited by psychologists as an effective way to improve memory function.  Also allowing the mind to solve complex problems and work through ideas, it is no wonder that chess is recommended in the fight against Alzheimer’s.  Some contend that it can increase one’s intelligence, though that is a more complex topic.

The effects of chess on young individuals had led to chess being introduced in school districts and various countries.  It has been shown to improve children’s grades and other positive effects as well.

1. The Turk – A Chess Machine

The Turk was an 18^th century chess machine, or so people thought.  Victimizing a number of people such as Napoleon Bonaparte and Benjamin Franklin, it was actually not a machine.

Including an elaborate construction that included a method to hide its operator, a human chess player was inside of the Turk.  When it was lost in the fire the secret was out, and the Turk remains another interesting chess story of all time.

Top 10 Unique Post-Oscar Acting Careers

After winning an Oscar, an actor’s career is usually marked by the question: Did they live up to the award or not? Here are 10 Oscar-winning actors who have gone in completely different directions.

10. Donna Reed-Riding the Highs and Lows of Television

Best Supporting Actress for From Here to Eternity (1953)

Reed’s career after winning her Oscar was mostly in television. In 1958, she starred in The Donna Reed Show, which was produced by her husband. While Reed won her Oscar playing a prostitute, her show was so wholesome that, according to TV.com, it “won many awards from various civic, educational, and medical groups due to its handling of topics like adoption, prescription drug abuse, and home safety.” Since this was the 50’s and that’s what was popular on television, it was a big hit. Her other notable TV role, on Dallas 20 years later, was much less well-received. She was hired as a replacement actress for the character of Elle Ewing when original actress Barbara del Gettes left for health reasons. Accepting a different actress for the same character was not something audiences were prepared to do and the network had to fire Reed and bring del Gettes back due to popular demand.

9. Jamie Foxx-Multitalented Singer/Songwriter and Radio Host

Best Actor for Ray (2004)

Before he got into acting, Foxx was studying to be a classical pianist which helped him bond with Ray Charles so well during production as the two got to know each other by playing duets. After winning the Oscar for his eerily lifelike portrayal of Charles in Ray, he returned to music by releasing an album of original music. He’s since released two more and was even briefly considered as a replacement judge on American Idol after successful guest stints. He also hosts a show on Sirius radio called the Foxhole.

8. Gwyneth Paltrow-Lifestyle Blogger, Country Singer, and TV Guest Star

Best Actress for Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Paltrow’s Oscar for “Shakespeare in Love” was her crowning moment as the proverbial prom queen of Hollywood. Initially, Paltrow made career choices as if she wanted to backup her statuette with another by taking the kinds of roles that practically beg for a nomination: A suicidal poet in Sylvia and a tortured mathematician’s daughter in Proof. Since then, she’s seemingly given up on trying to validate herself as a high profile actress to an unforgiving press (the daughter of Hollywood royalty, she’s been derided as a product of nepotism). She started a lifestyle website, goop.com, which has gained a lot of notice. She also returned to the Oscars this past year, not as a nominee, but as a song performer for Country Strong. Throw in her hit appearances on Glee and Saturday Night Live this past year, and it’s fair to call her a reinvented woman.

7. Kevin Spacey-Real-life version of Jim Carrey in The Majestic

Best Supporting Actor for Usual Suspects (1995) and Best Actor for American Beauty (1999)

In 2003, Kevin Spacey was appointed the Artistic Director for one of the most prestigious theaters in London with no less daunting a task than saving it from insolvency.  The Old Vic Theater, which has operated since 1818, was slated for demolition by a new property owner just five years earlier. Spacey has picked up the occasional Hollywood role, but most of his focus for the last eight years has been on acting in and producing plays for the Old Vic. He also produced and acted in his dream project in 2004, Beyond the Sea, about the life of Bobby Darin. He even accompanied the film’s release with his own CD covering the crooner’s hits and followed it up with a musical tour that summer.

6. Luise Rainer-Pioneer for Discontented Stars Everywhere

Best Actress for The Great Ziegfeld (1936) and The Good Earth (1937)

Some of the more cynical Oscar recipients (George C Scott, Alan Arkin, Sideways screenwriter Alexander Payne, etc.) have bemoaned the idea of competition or been otherwise apathetic. Luise Rainer, on the other hand, is unique in believing that the actual act of being voted on by a body of her peers as actress of the year was what ruined her career. “Nothing worse could have happened to me,” she’s said. Rainer felt that the increased fame and the way she was treated as a star left her disconnected from other actors she was used to collaborating with and she also felt that the studio put her in overly commercial projects. She complained about this loudly to the press which led to a mutually beneficial divorce between her and employer MGM Studios. Although she was lured to the screen occasionally, she retired from acting. She spent the rest of her life maintaining a 43-year marriage, writing articles, travelling, producing art, and sporadically dabbling in theater. This past March, she turned 101.

5. Whoopi Goldberg-Stand-up Artist and Media Icon

Won: Best Supporting Actress for Ghost (1990)

Whoopi Goldberg was once on a conventional path to stardom as an actress with roles in diverse high-profile films such as Soapdish, The Player and The Color Purple. Her Oscar win in Ghost was the culmination of that route but it was nearing the end of that phase of her career.  Casting directors today are probably not even considering Whoopi for prestige parts in films because she’s not really known as an actress anymore. With stints hosting the Oscars, participating in the annual charity event Comic Relief, doing stand-up comedy and co-hosting The View, she’s more of a media icon nowadays. She also took a role on a TV show, Star Trek: The Next Generation, simply because she was a fan of the show.

4. Richard Dreyfuss-Professor Emeritus

Won Best Actor for The Goodbye Girl (1977)

An Oscar-winner at the age of 29 (only two Best Actor winners have won the award before turning 30), Dreyfuss has immersed himself in academia where his primary interests include civics, education, government and rhetoric. He was a scholar-in-residence at England’s ultra-prestigious Oxford University where he served as a Senior Research Advisory Member of St. Antony’s College. In addition, he served for 12 years on the Board of  the National Constitution Center and founded the non-profit institute Dreyfuss Initiative dedicated to reviving civic conversation in American culture and improving the teaching of civics in elementary education. He still acts occasionally but he openly admitted in interviews for his film Poseidon that he now just acts for the money and that his passions lie elsewhere.

3. Glenda Jackson-Member of Parliament

Won Best Actress for A Touch of Class (1973) and Women in Love (1970)

Like many actors, British actress Glenda Jackson used her high profile to spout out on various political opinions. Unlike most other actors, however, she took it upon herself to get into politics. An outspoken opponent of Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and the Conservative Party, Jackson decided to run for Parliament in 1992 and won. There were some expectations that she would coast through parliament based on her previous fame as a movie star, but she immediately took an interest in transportation and was eventually appointed Junior Transportation Minister in 1997. She also unsuccessfully ran for the Mayor of London in 2000.

2. Gig Young-Double Murder-Suicide

Won Best Supporting Actor for They Shoot Horses, Don’t They (1969)

Young’s tragic post-Oscar path was certainly unique because he’s very likely (Hollywood was a sordid place of scandal in the Golden Age so you never know) the only Oscar winner to commit murder  (his fifth wife three weeks into marriage) followed immediately thereafter by his own suicide. Young had a long history with alcoholism and psychological problems before and after his Oscar despite having a long career as a character actor and leaving behind a trail of friends and admirers. His low point was being carried off the set of Blazing Saddles in an ambulance on the first day of shooting (suffering an alcohol-induced delirium tremens), forcing production to replace him with Gene Wilder. His Oscar later became the center of a legal battle when his sole child, Jennifer Young, fought his agent for ownership of the physical statue. Jennifer Young is currently producing a documentary on Gig that has yet to find a distributor.

1. Grace Kelly-Princess of Monaco

Won Best Actress for The Country Girl (1954)

Gig Young’s downfall into suicide made for an immensely fascinating story, but to end the list on a more upbeat note, I’m going to give the top spot to the woman who met Mr. Right and became a princess. Quite literally. When her film, The Country Girl premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in France, she was invited for a photo session with the prince of Monaco whom she would later marry. This marked the end of a 5-year acting career that’s as remarkable an output as anyone could have in such a short span. By marrying Prince Rainier, she also saved the tiny principality (if you can’t find that country on the globe, try a magnifying glass: it’s the second smallest country in the world) from dissolution. A 1918 Treaty stipulated that if the Prince of Monaco couldn’t produce a male heir, then it would be surrendered to France. Rainer’s first fiance was rumored to be infertile and when the Prince met Grace Kelly at Cannes, he was supposedly in search of a new bride.

Top 10 Baffling Video Game Accessories

The video game industry has pumped out countless accessories over the years. Most are functional but forgettable, the Ray Romanos of the video game world. Some, like the NES Zapper, are iconic. And then there are these ten, which make absolutely no sense. Maybe they were good ideas that went awry, or maybe they’re shameless attempts to cash in on fads. Or maybe they were designed by a team of drunken monkeys. We’ll never know.

10. Kinect Game Boat

The Game Boat adds a whole new level of realism to all one fifth of the Kinect’s boat themed games. Who would buy an accessory that’s only intended for one portion of one game? Especially if all it does is make the game more awkward to play? The Amazon listing even says it’s “the first accessory for the peripheral which doesn’t need any.” It’s an impediment to fun. Asking a clerk for a Game Boat is like asking a pharmacist to poke holes in your condoms.

The boat looks so poorly designed it would have been rejected by Titanic evacuees. And the box’s crudely translated slogan of, “Enjoy the emotions of the best games in the reality of your home” suggests that the Game Boat was made in a country where video games rank behind trying not to starve to death as the number one pastime. So not only will purchasing the Game Boat announce to the world, “I have no concept of fiscal responsibility,” it will probably support slave labour, too.

9. Wii Baby and Me

Baby and Me is the perfect game for parents who don’t want to waste any time ruining both video games and the idea of reproducing for their children. By adding a Wii Remote to the doll the baby itself becomes a controller, because nothing says “realistic childrearing simulation” like splitting open a baby’s back and jamming a hunk of plastic inside.

Cries, giggles, gurgles and more emerge from the remote, thereby “bringing the baby to life.” Although we’re not sure how having tinny sounds pulsate from an infant’s chest while its cold, dead eyes stare unblinkingly at you could be considered lifelike. Maybe they meant “unlife.”

Once you’ve turned your doll into a cyborg you can play all sorts of exciting minigames with it—everything from rocking the baby to sleep to clapping is included! And several of the minigames are even compatible with the Wii Balance Board, because that’s a wonderful lesson to teach future mothers—the best time to test your balance is when you’re clinging to your newborn child.

8. Wii Cooking Kit

 

The Wii has more food preparation games than scientists say can theoretically exist, so it makes sense that somebody would try to cash in on this baffling, nature defying market. The only problem is that exactly zero of those games are played with motions that even vaguely resemble cooking. Trying to make pan fried lobster in Cooking Mama is like trying to mime a howler monkey assassinating the pope. Attaching a plastic frying pan won’t make it any more realistic, it will just look like the monkey stopped off at a Home Outfitters.

The demographic of “people who like cooking enough to buy accessories for cooking video games, but not enough to cook actual food” is limited to nerdy anorexics and anyone who’s so fat they can no longer wedge themselves through their kitchen doorway. And the latter works up a sweat just turning on their television—asking them to flip a plastic frying pan would be like asking them to have a heart attack, assuming they didn’t get desperate for a snack and eat it first.

7. Wii Slip Proof Gloves

Are your Wii sessions so intense that you constantly find the controller flying out of your hands? Are you still having difficulty getting the hang of using your thumbs? Or do you just sweat more than Lil Wayne at a paternity test? Whichever it is, the Wii Slip Proof Gloves are the product for you, you disgusting, uncoordinated nerd!

For a mere $12.99, you can purchase the video game equivalent of a special kid helmet. Look, if you need gloves to play video games, you’ve suffered too many concussions to know what video games are. Anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to wear these would choke to death on them when they tried to put them on. Buying these for your children is like admitting that their mother chain smoked during pregnancy. If you need gloves to help you hold a piece of plastic you either lost your fingers in a chainsaw slapping competition or you produce so much perspiration that your pets drown every time you forget to put on deodorant. You’d have to be pretty dumb to buy these, is what we’re trying to say here.

6. Wii Bowling Ball

The Wii Bowling Ball is meant for people who want to spice up the thrills of virtual bowling by making every frame a chance to put a hunk of plastic through their television. It comes with a safety strap, but anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to buy the ball will mistake it for a tail.

The ball is advertised as having, “additional silicone finger slots to accommodate smaller fingers.” That sounds like a feature a sex toy would have, and using this as a sex toy might actually be a safer idea. The quote, “perfect for the gamer looking for something new to conquer” only reinforces that notion, because the only time we’ve heard “conquer” used to describe plastic balls is when they’re intended to enter orifices. And that would probably look less ridiculous than using this to pretend bowl—the image of the Bowling Ball in action looks like it was taken by someone who mistook bowling for rhythmic gymnastics.

Add “crude Photoshop work” for “realism.”

5. Wii Inflatable Racing Cart

This inflatable cart features a steering wheel with a slot for a Wii remote, giving players the ability to embarrass themselves in a wide variety of racing games. It looks like a cute idea for kids until you realise it’s impossible to control any game from that position, unless your goal is to crash into walls repeatedly and lose. But don’t take our word for it—check out this hilariously bad promo video, where the picture in picture gameplay clearly doesn’t sync up with what the actors are doing.

That’s a pretty serious design flaw, although if you expected any better from a company that thought it was a masterstroke of artistic design to put “racing” on their racing cart you have nobody to blame but yourself. The cart’s website notes that it was “designed in the style of the sports car,” which only raises further questions. Either this is the most poorly designed sports car in history, or they don’t even know what product they’re selling. And if those are the only two conclusions you can reach about an accessory, you shouldn’t pay money for it.

4. Sega Action Chair

The Sega Action Chair comes from an era where every accessory, no matter how mundane, needed a rad adjective in front of it, like the Nintendo Power Glove, or the Siemens Xtreme Speculum. It also comes from an era where every accessory was an overpriced piece of crap that didn’t work.

In theory, players would sit in the chair, grab the handles and pull themselves around, and the game would react to their movement. But you needed Herculean strength to move the chair just a single inch, and by that point your virtual character had long since died. Trying to play a game with the Action Chair was like trying to make your car turn by leaning over; and the inevitable four car pileup would still be more comfortable than sitting in this monstrosity. Add in the hundred dollar price tag, and the only people who owned an Action Chair were rich kids whose parents passive-aggressively hated them.

3. Sega Activator

The Activator was Sega’s attempt to introduce motion control to the world of video games, but it was about as successful as an attempt to introduce sanitation to New Jersey.

Players used the Activator by standing inside the octagon and having a seizure. Each of the eight panels represented a button, and to “press” that button you waved your hand or foot over it. If it worked, and it often didn’t, you soon discovered the Activator’s biggest flaw—even the simplest combination of moves required an insane motion. Want to perform a special attack in Street Fighter? Punch to the left and right simultaneously while kicking straight back. Trying to rip out some dude’s spine in Mortal Kombat? Kick both legs back at once, and punch backwards and forwards at the same time. Just want to pause the damn game? Do a spinning jump kick while head-butting sideways.

Playing a game against someone with a real controller was like a paraplegic fist fighting a gorilla. By the time you remembered what three directions you needed to punch to shuffle forward they’d already finished kicking your ass. An Activator player’s only hope was to flail at random, and that was only effective if they “accidentally” hit their opponent in the face. After five minutes with the Activator, they’d be angry enough to do it.

2. Wii Car Adaptor

Buying a Wii Car Adaptor is like buying a traffic accident. No matter how safe and responsible your passengers are, sooner or later one of them is going to stick a Wii Remote in your eye and you’ll be running down pedestrians while Mario music plays. And since the sort of person who would buy this would also buy the Wii Bowling Ball, you’ll probably be unconscious while it happens.

The only people who think it’s safe to use this don’t know what cars are. It would be less irresponsible to install a minibar in your vehicle than it would be to let people play Wii Sports while you drive. If you were pulled over by the police and they saw you had a Wii Car Adaptor installed, they’d legally be allowed to beat you. It probably comes with a disclaimer stating that the manufacturer can’t be held responsible for your vehicular manslaughter. The only upside to the Wii Car Adaptor is that anyone who uses it shouldn’t be contributing to the gene pool anyway.

1. Rez Trance Vibrator

 

 

Rez is a rail shooter set to electronic music. Vibrators are sex toys set to vaginas. Combining them was so obvious.

Produced only in Japan (of course), the Trance Vibrator pulsed in time to the game’s soundtrack. The official story was that you were supposed to hold, pocket or sit on the vibrator while you played, and the sensation would “extend the game’s synaesthesia.” The idea behind Rez was that everything, from the graphics to the gameplay, synced up with the music, and the vibrator would bring that synchronisation to a player’s sense of touch. There was just one tiny flaw—everyone used it to masturbate.

And we’re not just jumping to perverted conclusions—for one thing, the use of the word “synaesthesia” makes it sound like they would have packaged a hit of acid with the game had it been legal, so it’s hard to believe their intentions were pure. As further evidence, check out this quote from the game’s creator: “You can put it anywhere—your foot, your back, your waist. It’s up to our customers’ imagination.” He didn’t explicitly add “Jam it up your butt if it makes you happy,” but the implication is there. Did we mention the vibrator was designed to be washable?