Top 10 Strangest Fan Fiction Stories

Fan fiction is perhaps the single strangest method of creative expression ever conceived. Despite the fact that the form is fueled entirely by people incapable of coming up with their own characters, there are works that show a remarkable—and often disturbing—level of creativity. Writers, unchained from the burdens of conventional standards of plot, pacing and grammar, are free to put their favorite characters in any situation they can dream of; and what they dream of is often insane. Here are ten fan fiction stories that we found especially baffling; although because TopTenz strives to be safe for work we eliminated any explicitly erotic stories—and therefore 99.97% of the genre—from consideration.

10.  Sailor/ G.I. Joe

sailor moon

G.I. Joe represents America’s finest artistic achievement, and Sailor Moon represents how crazy Japan is. But what happens when the two forces team up to fight their enemies? Cultures collide, magical girls join the military, and stuff gets blown up. A lot of stuff. That’s pretty much all this story is about, actually; it’s like a novelization of the G.I. Joe movie, except with a lot more teenage girls talking about teenage girl things. While they kill people.

The Full Story

It’s a weird combination, because G.I. Joe is manlier than punching a grizzly bear to death while Sailor Moon’s target demographic consists entirely of 12 year old girls; so the writer of this story is either a very confused young man or the most awesome 12 year old girl ever. Also, we’d like to note that they dedicated their tale to the victims of 9/11, which, as we all know, was Cobra Commander’s most heinous act to date.

Excerpt

“Before the Vipers could raise a weapon, the Senshi attacked. ‘Jupiter Oak Evolution!’ Jupiter roared and hurtled a bolt of lightning at the HEAT and SAW Vipers. Both of them screamed as they were engulfed, electricity coursing through them, and both collapsed to the ground with a groan, twitching.”

9. Avatar and Twilight Combine in an Orgy of Clichés

Pandora Twilight

You know those vampire books that all the kids these days are talking about? This may shock you, but they’re popular fodder for fan fiction. Hundreds of thousands of stories popular, to be precise. Out of all that craziness, this crossover with Avatar represents the strangest story we could find before our minds rebelled and refused to process any more tales about sparkling vampires and homoerotic werewolves.

The Full Story

The Twilight gang has come to Pandora to become involved in the Avatar project, presumably because budget cuts have made vapid teenage girls and mopey bloodsuckers the only affordable candidates for becoming nine foot tall Smurfs. Once transformed, they explore the wonders of nature and… oh, wait, they mostly just whine to each other about their love lives. There is a climactic battle, but it’s little more than a brief interruption of all the lovey-dovey talk. So if you liked Avatar but wished all the action had been replaced with sexual tension, then this is the story for you! You creep.

Excerpt

“I’d heard a new guy had arrived today for the Avatar Project,” Jacob says to me in a low voice. “But I haven’t met him yet.” Then he catches my tortured expression. “Bells, don’t worry. I haven’t caught any scent of vampire here. It’s a coinci… oh, ****. Never mind, now I do smell vampire. I’m sorry, Bella.”

8. Halo:  Now With 100% More Anthropomorphic Hedgehog Murder

Sonic

Sonic the Hedgehog games seem pretty straightforward, but there’s something about the franchise that’s attracted a legion of disturbingly obsessive fans. This story about Sonic characters in the Halo world is just a brief glimpse into Sonic fandom; much stranger tales exist, but to go any deeper would be to invite madness.

The Full Story

The Halo universe is being threatened by an ancient evil, and Sonic and his superfluous friends are just kind of hanging out in it. You’d think that a bunch of anthropomorphized animals would be useless in a place populated entirely by deadly soldiers, and, well, you’d be right. Sonic and company spend most of their time getting in the way, which makes their pointless presence even more mystifying. Also, Amy Rose (a 12 year old girl hedgehog) is violently murdered by a space marine in one of the more disturbing scenes we’ve ever read. Although it’s still not as disturbing as any of the countless stories that involve her having sex.

Excerpt

“Amy attempted to punch and kick sloppily at the soldier, while 018 pointed his sword to the right. He then kicked Amy in the chest, throwing her into one of the walls that held a stone statue that had a fragile build to it, destroying it completely in the procedure. 018 noticed Amy’s dress was becoming wet from the inside, and 018 realized that he might have snapped something from within her infant feeding areas.”

7. NCIS:  Rapture

NCIS

In this very special NCIS story, the team seriously oversteps their authority when they decide to investigate the secret underwater city of Rapture from the BioShock video games. If you’re not familiar with the games, all you need to know is that they involve crazy people with superhuman powers in a city with a crime rate even worse than Detroit’s. If you’re not familiar with NCIS, all you need to know is that it’s CSI on boats.

The Full Story

The story begins with one of the NCIS members playing BioShock, but in a plot twist that will blow your mind the team learns that the video game is based on reality. Why a secret city would create a video game that would do nothing except incriminate everybody who lived there isn’t explained, but most video games are full of plot holes so we guess we can let it slide.

After that startling revelation, the team says “Hey, we should blow up this city for some reason,” and then they go down there and shoot everybody. In just 14,000 words the team racks up a bigger body count than every episode of the show combined has seen; but it’s all for a good cause because they… uh… actually, they just kill a lot of insane people who were minding their own business. And that’s a shame, because their lack of motivation is the only flaw in this otherwise airtight premise.

Excerpt

“Remember, there are no humans here” whispered Vance. The rest nodded, and they quietly crept up behind the splicer before bludgeoning her to death.”

6. Harry Potter and The Pirates of the Caribbean

Harry Potter Jack Sparrow

There’s a surprising amount of fan fiction involving Harry Potter and the Pirates movies, although the vast majority of stories are simply about Jack Sparrow boning one or more Hogwarts students (usually the male ones). This particular story takes a bold step forward by adding something that vaguely resembles a plot, which explores the question that mankind has asked for generations: what would happen if the Harry Potter heroes went back in time and sailed with the Pirates characters? Of course, there’s still lots of boning, but it’s (relatively) tasteful.

The Full Story

OK, so the plot is mostly an excuse for Harry and his pals to fall in love with Sparrow and company. Which, given their ages differences, is rather disturbing. There is some action, but even during the fight scenes our heroes mostly stand in the background and daydream about each other. Furthermore, everybody’s personalities have been set to “giggling buffoon” mode, which makes the romances so sugary that they become rather nauseating; it’s like watching Care Bears make out. Oh, and Ron gets murdered because there was an uneven number of protagonists. Love can be cruel sometimes.

Excerpt

“Do you, Hermione Granger, take Jack Sparrow to be your loftly wedded husband? Till death due you part?” the priest turned and asked her.

“I do” she responded. She looked back at Jack. Their eyes exchanged looks of love.

5. James Bond Takes Down SPECTRE with the Help of Pinocchio

pinocchio

When the new leader of SPECTRE threatens to turn every child in Europe into a donkey, it’s up to James Bond to stop his nefarious plan. But he can’t do it alone, which is why MI6 must call upon the aid of a time traveling Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket, Lampwick and Geppetto. Why they’re traveling through time to fight evil isn’t made clear, but since any attempt at an explanation would probably make our heads explode we’re not going to complain.

The Full Story

Rather than turn Pinocchio and company into stone cold killing machines, the author instead chose to bring James Bond down to a G rating. While this does keep things family friendly (and this story will no doubt become a timeless family classic one day), it unfortunately eliminates the Bond franchise’s signature wit. So, to our great disappointment, Pinocchio doesn’t lie in order to spear a bad guy with his nose while saying something like “I hope you don’t mind me nosing around.” Although Geppetto does blow up two motorcycles, so that’s something.

Excerpt

“James Bond’s view of M’s three guests changed when he saw not a microphone under the hat but a rather large clothed anthropomorphic cricket. James was a logical man like all 00 agents had to be but the only logical conclusion to seeing the cricket was were real life characters from the aftermath of the story of Pinocchio when the puppet was made a real boy. James Bond was not only in the presence of time travelers, but time travelers from an earth time line where the story of Pinocchio was true and not a fairy tale.”

4. Lord of the Scooby Snacks

lord of the rings

While The Lord of the Rings is undeniably a masterpiece, we can all agree that it would have been even better had it also included a talking dog that solved mysteries. One fan fiction author, seeing the error of J.R.R. Tolkien’s ways, wrote a story that dropped the cast of Scooby Doo straight into Middle Earth.

The tale begins with Scooby and the rest of the gang finding the one ring, which transports them to the Shire and turns them into hobbits. They promptly team up with Frodo and company to destroy the ring; the story is basically the same as the source material, except most of the rich mythology has been replaced with a love triangle featuring Fred, Daphne and Legolas. Oh, and Scooby falls in love with a sexy elf dog.

The Full Story

Sadly, this epic wasn’t finished, so we’ll never know how it ends. However, we’re willing to bet that the plan was for Sauron to be defeated by an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine, at which point he was unmasked and revealed to be mean old Lobelia Baggins.

Excerpt

“Fred glares at Legolas. “Oh man! Why on Middle Earth did have to get stuck with this guy?”Fred thinks. “And I wish I knew why Daphne likes him so much.” Fred looks a Legolas’s long hair and his tall figure. “So he’s handsome, I still don’t see what’s so great about him.” The young Hobbit thinks. “I hope we reach the town soon.” Just then Fred hears a noise that sound a bit like Orks.”

3. Sherlock Holmes and Watson Make Out, Also Have Pokemon

holmes and watson

People have been writing Sherlock Holmes fan fiction since the character’s debut, but this story is unique in that it also involves Pokémon, and it involves them for a reason that not even the great detective could figure out.

The Full Story

The tale begins with Holmes trying to seduce Watson, but Watson is so distressed by this that he packs up his Pokémon and leaves for another city to become a Pokémon doctor. Holmes, unable to resist his true love, tracks Watson down, shows him his newly acquired Pokémon, and pretty much comes within a step of committing rape. At first Watson resists, but then their two Pokémon merge into one, and Watson is so impressed by the act that he gives into his feelings for Holmes. They share a passionate kiss, and while much is left unanswered we’re just thankful that the story ended before they showed each other their second kind of pocket monster, if you know what we mean.

We mean their genitals. It’s implied they touch each others genitals.

Excerpt

“It gave me a sad look. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I still couldn’t find my voice. Then, without warning, Slowbrow grabbed my hand with its newly free paws. It then grabbed Holmes’ hand with the other. We both stared at it in uncertainty. Slowbro brought our hands together, and they connected like puzzle pieces.”

2. The Lion King is Retold with the cast of The Golden Girls and Courage the Cowardly Dog

golden girls

In the most surreal crossover known to man, Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia wake up one day to find that they’ve become lion cubs fathered by Mufasa. Courage is there for some reason too, and together they grow up with Simba, destined to do great things.

The Full Story

Only two chapters were written before the author abandoned the story, presumably because they recognized their own insanity and checked themselves in to a mental institution. If you’re wondering why we’re including a story that only lasted two chapters, it’s because those two chapters pack in more craziness than most complete works. For example: at the end of chapter two, Dorothy develops telekinetic powers and uses them to make a buffalo explode. And, if you listen carefully as you read about it, you can hear your mind snap.

Excerpt

“But then one of the buffalo charged right at us and then before I knew Dorothy activated a pink, transparent, glossy telekinetic bubble and barricaded the both of us from that buffalo. The buffalo smashed right into the bubble and was instantly electrocuted and stunned into a paralyzing daze. He then swooned to the ground and the rest of the herd lunged right for us. ‘Fire away, Pussycat!’ I commanded Dorothy challengingly and then Dorothy shot and discharged streaks of pink lightning bolts from the telekinetic bubble in a flare of fury and then several of the buffalo were stunned and electrocuted as the electricity spewed out through their bodies and were flattened to the ground.”

1. Twilight and Harry Potter – Horrifying Pregnancies

harry-potter-twilight

Yeah, we know what you’re thinking. “After all the weird stuff they’ve shown me, they’re going to end with a run-of-the-mill Twilight/Harry Potter crossover? How lame is that?” Well, we’ll explain. Jeez, show some patience. Jerk.

For starters, this work in progress has already reached 319,000 words, which makes it longer than any of the novels it’s based on. Even more worrying, it comes with a disclaimer: “Will have mpregs!” For our laymen readers, that means male pregnancies. That also means it’s OK for you to stop reading and slowly back away from your computer; we won’t judge you.

Full Story

We’ll admit that we didn’t read the entire thing because, well, it’s a 319,000 word story about male Harry Potter and Twilight characters getting knocked up. But from what we skimmed before our eyes started to bleed we deduced that this epic tale is about Harry and Draco moving to Forks for some reason, where they promptly shack up with Edward and Jacob, respectively. There’s really no plot beyond that; it’s just hundreds of thousands of words of flirting, moping and making out.

There are about 20 scenes of Harry Potter getting in and out of the shower, and everybody spends most of their time telling each other how nice they look without shirts on. It would actually be less gay if they just had sex. And when that finally happens, Draco ends up pregnant. There’s even a long explanation as to how this is possible, although thankfully the details of how the child will be delivered are left out. But don’t worry; we’re sure some other fan fiction writer will cover that soon enough.

Excerpt

“No,” Draco snapped. “No you don’t! My father can barely stand to look at me, Jacob’s on the other side of the country and I don’t even know what I feel for this- this baby growing inside of me!”

“I thought you told your dad you didn’t want to terminate.”

“Usually…I don’t,” admitted. “But sometimes I just want it to all go away.” His lips pursed in self-disgust and anger. “And then two seconds later, I feel horrible. I feel horrible that I don’t want this kid whole-heartedly and without hesitation. And just seeing Jacob…just having him think it’s so easy…I…” Draco shook his head, almost curling into himself as his arms wrapped around his middle.”

Top 10 Internet Sensations Turned into Pointless Books

When something on the Internet gets popular, it can get really gets popular.  Viral videos and meme-oriented websites are everywhere, as millions of people with the similar senses of humor all discover something at the same time and declare it the funniest thing they’ve seen in the past fourteen minutes.

This is all well and good, until old-fashioned capitalism kicks in and some company decides to make a book out of said video or website.  In short, what you once got for free, you are now expected to pay for.

10. Bacon Explosion

bacon-explosion

In 2009, two guys logged onto bbqaddicts.com and posted a “recipe” for sausage wrapped in bacon.  Because it was over 5,000 calories and most people probably get exhausted just from eating it, it became a massive hit.  Facebook groups were formed dedicated to what was little more than meat wrapped in more meat, and the original posters received a six-figure cookbook deal.  Six figures, as in “at least a hundred thousand dollars.”  The only reason this entry is so low on the list is because the book will not actually contain the Bacon Explosion recipe.  Perhaps the creators realized that if you actually need an entire recipe for what amounts to “Take meat.  Wrap in bacon.  Drown in BBQ sauce.  Eat,” then you’re probably not the kind to buy a book anyway.

9. Anonymous (Group)

anonymous

At its heart, Anonymous is a bunch of nameless, faceless, Internet users who love to hack websites and troll people endlessly because it’s just so hilarious.  Occasionally they don V for Vendetta masks, protest oppressive things, and scream angry threats at Scientology offices.  This makes them feel important.  Since the group doesn’t have a charismatic leader to go on the news and let us all know exactly what Anonymous stands for, it’s very hard to write a book about them.  And when somebody did, they evidently didn’t even try; the one Amazon review for Anonymous (group) makes it very clear that the book is nothing more than various Wikipedia articles, sometimes with the citation marks still intact.  Then again, this book might have been written by a member of Anonymous in order to annoy the book world with how bad it is.  Because, to Anonymous, annoying people is hilarious.

8. Denis Leary’s Tweets

Leary

A Twitter account is the easiest thing in the world to follow.  Click that you want to follow it, and then do so.  No harm, no foul, no charge.  Comedian Denis Leary, however, realized that compiling some of his funniest tweets into book form could make him some money, so he did just that.  Never mind that you can easily read the entire book in less than ten minutes while evading bookstore staff; you’re still expected to pay eight bucks for it.  To be fair, some of the money goes to his firefighter’s charity, but if you really wanted to make a difference, donate the entire eight dollars directly to the charity, and then follow his tweets as you normally would.  No need to clutter your bookshelf further.

7. Garfield Minus Garfield

Garfield

The webcomic is genius, and we’re taking nothing away from it; remove Garfield from his own comic strip, and you’re left with Jon: lonely, highly depressed, and talking to himself until the end of days.  But since the comics are still available online (all 110+ pages of it), it makes actually buying the book an exercise in futility.  Jim Davis, the creator of Garfield, tried his hand at a few Minus Garfields, and that would be the bulk of the book’s exclusive content.  Sadly, his attempts aren’t nearly as good or as biting as the original webcomics; this makes sense, as they are written by the guy who does Garfield, after all.

6. Postsecret

PostSecret

The original PostSecret blog allowed people to anonymously confess things along the lines of “I thought of him when I was marrying you” in convenient postcard form.  Fair enough, yet this managed to become a book compilation, allowing the author to profit off of other people whose pain is so intense they can only bring themselves to talk about it in nameless postcard form.  On the other hand, if you buy this book, and find yourself identifying with “my wife thinks I’m having an affair with her sister…wrong sibling,” then you can confess with a real live postcard of somebody else’s very own.

5. Stuff White People Like

white people

White people like lame things!  There, we just saved you ten bucks.  Seriously, that’s the entire gist of this site-turned-book.  Evidently, they enjoy soy lattes, scarves, the World Cup, recycling, dogs, and all other sorts of stupid things that, by extension, non-white people don’t like at all.  To give the author credit, he at least wrote up actual essays about each thing white people like, and put some thought into them.  This is opposed to the usual viral blog approach: one goofy picture and one sentence such as “They like sushi?  Uncooked fish!?  That’s sooooo white!”

4. Oolong the Rabbit

OolongPhoto by Rex Features

And now we start to scrape the bottom of the barrel.  Oolong was a rabbit that was photographed by his owner balancing things on his head.  Sometimes it was a pancake.  Sometimes it was a CD.  Sometimes it was toilet paper.  Each time, it was adorable.  But adorable enough to compile into coffee table book form?  Evidently, because that’s exactly what happened.  A 120-page book of free-on-the-Net pictures does in fact exist; perfect for when you want to glance at a cute bunny with something on his head, but have neither the ability to print the pictures yourself, nor an actual bunny that can balance things just as well.

3. Barack Obama is Your New Bicycle

obama

This is the Obama meme, in a nutshell: white background with gigantic text describing a random act of kindness Barack Obama just did for you.  That’s all.  And that is now a book.  In exchange for money that could be used to buy food or real literature, you can buy 366 random sentences such as “Barack Obama remembered your birthday”, or “Barack Obama tuned your guitar for you.”  Great for those days when you want to read one meaningless sentence involving the President, but just don’t feel like clicking any links.

2. I Can Has Cheezburger

i can has cheezburger

Remember the rabbit from earlier?  Well, multiply that by a billion and you have the cheezburger cats.  More than likely you’re aware of this phenomenon; take funny pictures of cats and add comically misspelled captions to make them seem uneducated.  There are multiple books compiling these cats and they are, in fact, bestsellers.  And don’t you dog people feel superior, as there are books featuring cheezburger dogs saying stupidly misspelled things while riding invisible snowboards or something along that line.  To be fair, there are now millions of funny animal pictures on the website, and some people need an author or two to pick their absolute favorites out for them.

1. (Bleep) My Dad Says

my dad

This is number 1 for one reason and one reason only: it transcended being a pointless book and became a pointless TV show as well.  The original meme was a Twitter feed where a guy recorded a bunch of comically grouchy quotes his Dad may or may not have actually said.  It was a monster hit, and naturally spawned a book version for those who hate when their Internet comedy is free.  But this somehow was not enough, and CBS greenlighted a TV show based on the idea of a lovably grumpy old man saying off-the-wall one-liners.  Despite “lovably grumpy people spewing one-liners” being the central theme of 80% of sitcoms filmed, ever, this one was different because it came from the Internet, and we all know the vast literary muses that pop up there.

Top 10 Controversial Books

Before people were able to access information by way of the Internet, written text was the primary resource for knowledge.  The history of books has been linked to political and economical contingencies, as well as the history of ideas and religion.  In the ancient world, humans developed writings as a desire to create a lasting record.  In the 1450s, The Gutenberg Bible became the first major book printed with a movable type printing press, marking the start of the age of the printed book.  Since that time, a large collection of controversial books have been published.  Many of these texts are known to have been written for the strict purpose of propaganda.  Conspiracy theory researchers have also put together written collections that examine controversial subjects.  This article will examine 10 influential books that have been labeled controversial.

10. The Frost King

helenkeller8

Helen Keller was an American author, political activist, and lecturer.  She was not born blind and deaf, but when Helen was 19 months old she contracted an illness described by doctors as “an acute congestion of the stomach and the brain”, which might have been scarlet fever or meningitis.  The illness left Helen Keller deaf and blind.  In 1887, when Helen was only seven years old, a young woman named Anne Sullivan became her instructor.  When Sullivan first arrived at Keller’s house, she began to teach Helen how to communicate by spelling words into her hand.  The story of how Anne Sullivan helped the isolation imposed by Keller’s near complete lack of language is widely known through the dramatic play The Miracle Worker.

The Controversy

In 1892, at the age of 11, Helen Keller published her first short story titled The Frost King.  The book tells the tale of King Jack Frost and a cask of jewels that are being transported by a collection of fairy servants.  At the time of the stories publication, Helen Keller largely communicated only with Anne Sullivan.  In fact, Sullivan dictated the entire Frost King story for Keller.  After the book gained popularity, it soon became evident that the Frost King was a direct reproduction of Frost Fairies by Margaret Canby.  The revelation was important, with many articles proclaiming that the story was a deliberate fraud by Keller’s handlers.

People all over the world were surprised that Helen Keller was able to produce The Frost King at such a young age.  Keller adamantly denied that she had heard Canby’s story before.  However, Sullivan claimed that Keller read the book through finger spelling with the help Sophia Hopkins.  An investigation into the matter concluded that Helen Keller may have experienced a case of cryptomnesia, in that she had read Canby’s story before, but forgot about it.  Joseph Lash’s book Helen and Teacher states that Anne Sullivan read Helen Keller Frost Fairies the previous fall and that she had adapted her own story out of the original.  Because of the accusations, an in-house trial ensued at the Perkins School to determine whether or not Sullivan had deliberately falsified Keller’s abilities.

At the time, eight separate teachers interrogated the twelve-year-old Helen Keller for two hours.  They returned a verdict of undecided, with some members calling foul play and others not.  Apparently, Keller had a visible nervous breakdown over the incident, and decided to never publish fiction again.  Michael Anagnos, head of the Perkins School for the Blind, never regained his faith in Sullivan or Keller and described them as “a living lie”.  Anagnos claimed to have found inconsistencies in Helen Keller’s letters and was fully suspicious that Anne Sullivan checked her writings before allowing them to be mailed.  In 1903, Mark Twain described the controversy as “owlishly idiotic and grotesque”.

9. Trail of the Octopus

trail of the octopus

On December 21, 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was scheduled to travel from London to New York.  The plane was transporting 243 passengers and 16 crew members.  While flying over Lockerbie, in southern Scotland, the flight experienced a catastrophic explosion which punched a 20-inch (0.51 m)-wide hole on the left side of the fuselage.  The aircraft rapidly disintegrated and crashed into Lockerble killing all passengers onboard and eleven people on the ground.  The subsequent investigation determined that the flight was targeted by a terrorist group.  Certain events pertaining to the case have been riddled with controversy.  Published statements have accused the United States CIA in having foreknowledge of the attack.  On February 24, 2011, Libya’s former justice minister Mustafa Abdul Jalil claimed that Muammar Gaddafi had personally ordered the Lockerbie bombing.

The Controversy

Lester Coleman is a former U.S. DEA agent who co-author the 1993 book Trail of the Octopus, The Untold Story of Pan Am 103.  In the book, it is claimed that a secret drug operation enabled terrorists to evade airport security in the 1988 bombing of Pan American Flight 103.  It has been alleged that a compromised American covert drug smuggling organization allowed Iranian-backed terrorists, led by Ahmed Jibril, to slip a Semtex bomb aboard the plane.  In 1990, before the release of the book, Lester Coleman made national headlines when he exposed a CIA double agent to the press.  As a result of the published photograph, the U.S. government sued Time Magazine for $26 million.  In 1991, as part of a civil lawsuit between Pan American World Airways and the families of Flight 103, Lester Coleman made a sworn statement accusing the Drug Enforcement Administration of allowing PA103 to be bombed.  In response, the federal court imposed a gag order on the defendants and plaintiffs in the case.

In 1993, Trail of the Octopus was first published in the United Kingdom.  The book holds the famous quote, “No one knows what is really going on.  If they ever did, it would make Watergate look like Alice in Wonderland.”  Coleman claims that he sought and was granted political sanctuary in Sweden in order to complete the novel.   When he was under Swedish protection, he provided Pan American World Airways with a civil affidavit which cleared them of full responsibility in the Lockerbie bombing.  In response to the book, the DEA sued Bloomsbury publishing in a London court.  After a settlement, thousands of copies of the text were destroyed.  On September 11, 1997, Lester Coleman stated to a New York Federal court that “…he lied when he claimed that a secret drug sting enabled terrorists to evade airport security in the bombing…”  In a plea agreement, Coleman was sentenced to time served.

As of 2011, Kindle and Nook are the new publishers of Trail of the Octopus, which holds a 2009 United States release.  Over the years, conspiracy theorists have latched onto the fact that there were at least four U.S. intelligence officers on the passenger list, claiming they were targeted for assassination.  A number of security alerts were posted shortly before the bombing, with many people avoiding the deadly flight.  The South African foreign minister Pik Botha and a minor delegation of 22 was supposed to board Pan Am 103, but managed to take the earlier Pan Am 101 flight.  In 2003, Libya took responsibility for the bombing.  In a remarkable occurrence, the Libyan government compensated each family of the victims US$8 million.  As a result of this, the UN agreed to cancel sanctions that had been imposed four years earlier.  A collection of U.S. trade restrictions were also lifted due to the settlement.

8. English as She Is Spoke

english as she is spoke

When English as She Is Spoke was published in 1883 it raised controversy, but it was due to the funny content and didn’t involve serious issues.  In the middle of the 19thcentury, a Portuguese author named Jose da Fonseca became notable for writing phrase books that were used to help travelers and people interesting in learning multiple languages.  His most famous publication was a successful Portuguese-French phrase book, which was adapted by a man named Pedro Carolino.  After the popularity of the initial book, Carolino decided to write his own Portuguese to English conversational guide.  However, he placed the more popular Jose da Fonseca’s name as the author without his knowledge.  Problems began to arise when it was realized that Pedro Carolino didn’t speak English.

The Controversy

English as She Is Spoke is regarded as one of the funniest books written in the 19th century and a classic source of unintentional humor, due to the fact that the given English translations in the book are generally completely incoherent and wrong.  It is widely believed that Pedro Carolino used a French-English dictionary to translate the earlier Portuguese-French phrase book that was written by José da Fonseca.  The attempt failed to produce coherent English speech.  It seems that the dictionary-aided literal use of the words caused many expressions to be translated wildly inappropriately.  For example, the Portuguese phrase chover a cântaros is translated as raining in jars, when the English translation should be “raining buckets.”

Here are some more notable examples of phrases used in the book.  The walls have hearsay, should be “the walls have ears.”  He go to four feet, should be “he is crawling.”  Is sure the road, should be “is the road safe.”  That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes.  Let us amuse rather to the fishing.  The English translation should have been, “This pond seems like it’s full of fish.  Let’s have some fun fishing.”  Mark Twain said of English as She Is Spoke, “Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, and nobody can hope to produce its fellow.  It is perfect.”

7. Passport to Magonia: From Folklore to Flying Saucers

passport

Jacques Vallée is a French-born venture capitalist, computer scientist, author, ufologist and former astronomer.  For over 50 years, he has been a predominant authority on extraterrestrial life.  In Steven Spielberg film Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Vallée served as the model for the French character Lacombe.  He is a respected researcher that has made significant contributions to the field of scientific exploration.  Vallée is notable for co-developing the first computerized mapping of Mars and for his work as the principal investigator at SRI International in creating ARPANET, a precursor to the modern Internet.  He served on the National Advisory Committee at the University of Michigan, College of Engineering, and was involved in early work on artificial intelligence.  Vallée has authored four books on high technology and is a venture capitalist.  He has invested in over 60 start-up companies, 18 of which have become traded on public markets.

One of these companies is Accuray Systems (Nasdaq:ARAY), which is a medical device company developing surgical robots.  Along with his mentor, astronomer J. Allen Hynek, Vallée has carefully studied the phenomenon of UFOs for many years and his research has taken him to all areas of the world.  Initially, Jacques Vallée published works supporting the extraterrestrial hypothesis (ETH).  ETH states that some unidentified flying objects (UFOs) are best explained as being extraterrestrial life or non-human aliens from other planets occupying physical spacecraft visiting Earth.  However, by 1969, Vallée’s conclusions had changed, and he publicly announced that the ETH was too narrow and ignored too much data.  In his next novel, Passport to Magonia: From Folklore to Flying Saucers, Vallée explored a different angle on UFO encounters.

The Controversy

In Passport to Magonia, Vallée examines the commonalities between UFOs, cults, religious movements, demons, angels, ghosts, cryptid sightings, and psychic phenomena.  In the text, he suggests the interdimensional visitation hypothesis.  The theory states that unidentified flying objects (UFOs) and related events involve visitations from other “realities” or “dimensions” that coexist separately alongside our own.  It holds that UFOs are a modern manifestation of a phenomenon that has occurred throughout recorded human history, which in prior ages was ascribed to mythological or supernatural creatures.  The interdimensional visitation hypothesis alleges that extraterrestrials could be living beyond space-time, and thus could coexist with humans, yet remain undetected.  Vallée’s opposition to the popular ETH hypothesis was not well received by prominent U.S. ufologists, hence he is viewed as something of an outcast.

Given Jacques Vallée’s scientific history and documented intellect, many have lent prominence to his theories.  Let’s examine his ideas.  Claims are made that the distance between stars makes interstellar travel impractical without an antigravity or faster-than-light travel hypothesis.  Vallée points out that unexplained close encounters are far more numerous than required for any physical survey of the earth.  The humanoid body structure of the alleged “aliens” is not likely to have originated on another planet and is not biologically adapted to space travel.  The apparent ability of UFOs to manipulate space and time suggests radically different and richer alternatives.  Vallée has contributed to the investigation of the Miracle at Fatima and Marian apparitions.  His work has been used to support the Fatima UFO Hypothesis.

One advantage of IDH proffered by Hilary Evans is its ability to explain the apparent ability of UFOs to appear and disappear from sight and radar, explained as the UFO enters and leaves our dimension.  Moreover, Evans argues that other dimensions might be slightly more advanced than ours, explaining the UFOs’ tendency to represent near future technologies.  In a conversation with Steven Spielberg, Vallée suggested that he make the phenomenon in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, real, physical, but not ET.  Vallée also proposes that a secondary aspect of the UFO phenomenon involves human manipulation by humans.  He advocates a stronger and more serious involvement of science in the UFO research and debate, in order to let people understand the real aspects of multidimensional travel.

6. Brahmastra

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The ancient world has produced some of the most controversial books in existence, including religious text across multiple faiths.  This article will examine one aspect of Sanskrit literature.  Sanskrit is an Indo-Aryan dialect and the primary liturgical language of Hinduism, Jainism and Buddhism.  Sanskrit literature encompasses a rich tradition of poetry and drama as well as scientific, technical, philosophical and Hindu religious texts.  A large collection of researchers have devoted their lives to understanding ancient Sanskrit literature.  A great example of Sanskrit is The Puranas, which is a genre of important Hindu, Jain and Buddhist religious texts, consisting of narratives on the history of the universe from creation to destruction, genealogies of kings, heroes, sages, and demigods.  In some of these texts, a weapon is mentioned that has sparked interest and controversy.

The Controversy

In ancient Sanskrit writings, a Brahmastra is a weapon created by Brahma, who is the Hindu God of creation.  Brahmastra is considered the deadliest weapon of all and when it is discharged there is neither a counter attack nor a defense that may stop it.  The Brahmastra never misses and must be used with very specific intent, as the target will face complete annihilation.  According to Sanskrit writings, the Brahmastra is invoked by a key phrase that is bestowed upon the user when given the weapon.  It causes severe environmental damage.  The land where the Brahmastra is used becomes barren for eons and all life in and around that area ceases to exist.

Upon release of the weapon, women and men become infertile.  The area experiences a severe decrease in rainfall and the land develops cracks like in a drought.  The survivors lose their nails and hair, and their food becomes unfit for eating.  For several subsequent years, the Sun, the stars and the sky remain shrouded with clouds and produce bad weather.  It doesn’t take an expert to notice that the weapon holds similar characteristics to modern day nuclear weapons.  The Brahmastra is mentioned in multiple Sanskrit scriptures, often times acting as a deterrent simply with the threat of use.  In the Ramayana, a Brahmastra is used by Rama as the “final blow” against Rakshasa Ravana during their battle in Lanka.  It is said that the collision between two Brahmastras will destroy the universe.

5. The Report from Iron Mountain

report from iron mountain

In 1967, the war in Vietnam was escalating and a large amount of civil unrest was spreading in major U.S. cities.  On October 16, a bizarre book appeared titled The Report from Iron Mountain: On the Possibility and Desirability of Peace.  It was published by Dial Press, which is a division of Simon & Schuster.  The book claims to be an authentic U.S. government report compiled by secret officials.  The introduction to the book was written by a man named Leonard C. Lewin, who at the time was a New York freelance writer.  In the opening of the book, Lewin explains that the report was compiled by 15 experts known as the Special Study Group (SSG).

According to the text, the SSG was a collection of men put together by the U.S. government.  The group first met in 1963 at a secret underground nuclear hideout called Iron Mountain.  The book claims that the Special Study Group held periodic meetings during the middle of the 1960s to discuss the problems that would confront the United States if it entered into an era of permanent peace.  The mystery of who wrote the report was revealed in 1972, when the Harvard educated Leonard C. Lewin declared in a New York Times article that he had invented it as a hoax.

The Controversy

The Report from Iron Mountain is put together to look like an actual top secret document.  It includes language that is full of think-tank jargon.  In the text the SSG comes to the conclusion that peace “would almost certainly not be in the best interest of a stable society.”  War, they argued, was simply too important to the world’s economy, and therefore necessary for the United States to continue in a state of war indefinitely.  The report claims that a member of the panel, John Doe, who is a professor from a college in the Midwest, decided to release the report to the public.  In the book, the group theorized that world governments would not exist without war and that conflict serves as a vital function to divert collective aggression.  The SSG also recommend blood games and suggest that the government should create alternative foes that would scare the public, such as reports of aliens and out-of-control pollution.

Another proposal by the SSG is the reinstitution of slavery.  In detail, the report identifies reasons why war is necessary.  Far from being used to only settle disputes between nation-states, the book claims that war is used to control unemployment, reduce the population, drive scientific and artistic development, provide legitimacy and growth to the government, and to control crime, gangs, and vagrancy by providing a publicly acceptable outlet for society’s undesirables.  The book suggests that we must find substitutes for all of war’s functions in order to transition into an era of peace and prevent society’s collapse.  It specifically mentions pumping pollution into the environment to create a disaster society that we can all unite over.  The report proposes that the government create fake UFO incidents.

Report from Iron Mountain contains a seemingly serious discussion on the necessity of a eugenics program.  The book suggests that without war, human reproduction would have to be strictly controlled, perhaps through artificial insemination administered by the government.  Upon release of the document, it caused panic among many government officials.  President Lyndon B. Johnson supposedly “hit the roof” when he learned of it.  Cables were sent to U.S. embassies throughout the world instructing them to play down public discussion and to emphasize that it had nothing at all to do with official U.S. policy.  Today, the book is believed to be a hoax authored by one man, Leonard Lewin.  In 1996, the novel was listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the Most Successful Literary Hoax.  Upon its release, the book was a New York Times bestseller and it has been translated into fifteen languages.  Some people continue to believe that the report is a leaked U.S. document.

4. Germany Must Perish!

germany must perish

During World War II, many pieces of political propaganda were released to the general public.  As Hitler took control of Germany, Nazi propaganda was heavily used in schools and businesses.  In Russia, England, America, and many other world locations, anti-German text was widely distributed.  During the war, an American Jewish businessman named Theodore Kaufman began to publish pamphlets under the auspices of the American Federation of Peace.  In 1939, Kaufman was determined to prevent American involvement in the war.

One pamphlet, titled Passive Purchase, advocated for the establishment of a two-week period during which Americans would curtail their spending in order to demonstrate public opposition to American intervention in the war.  Another of Kaufman’s pamphlets stated, “A possible plea to Congress. … Have Us All Sterilized! … If You Plan On Sending Us to A Foreign War … Spare Us Any Possibility Of Ever Bringing Children Into This World.”  However, as World War II intensified, Theodore Kaufman turned his attention to the destruction of the German people, publishing one of the most well known books of the war era, Germany Must Perish!

The Controversy

Germany Must Perish is a 104-page book written and self-published by Theodore Kaufman in 1941.  The text advocates for the genocide of the German population and the territorial dismemberment of the country.  Specifically, it mentions the forced mass-sterilization of all men under 65 and women under 45. In the text, Kaufman promotes the distribution of German lands, which he claims would solve a great deal of humanity’s problems.  During the war, the book had a minimal impact in the United States, but it achieved notoriety in Nazi Germany, where it was widely used as evidence of an international Jewish plan to destroy the German people.  On July 24, 1941, the Nazi Party’s newspaper, Volkischer Beobachter, published a front-page article on the book titled, The Product of Criminal Jewish Sadism: Roosevelt Demands the Sterilization of the German People.

The article claimed that Theodore Kaufman had a direct connection with President Roosevelt and U.S. policy, which was a gross fabrication.  At the time, the German leadership was engaged in a campaign to rally popular support for the invasion of the Soviet Union.  Kaufman’s ideas became a large focus of the campaign.  For this reason, many Germans, even today, know who Theodore Kaufman is, while the majority of people are being introduced to him for the first time.  Germany Must Perish was specifically cited as an excuse to round up the Jews of Hanover.  On September 1, 1941, the Nazis required German Jews to wear a yellow badge on their clothing, they published a flyer explaining to the German people that those individuals wearing the star were conspiring to implement Kaufman’s plan for the destruction of Germany.

3. Poem of the Man God

poem of the man god

In 1897, Maria Valtorta was born in Caserta, in the Campania region of Italy.  On March 17, 1920, at the age of 23, Maria was attacked by a delinquent youth while on the street with her family.  She was hit with an iron bar for no apparent reason and was confined to a bed for three months.  At the age of 27, Maria’s family settled in the town of Viareggio, on the coast of Tuscany.  She was able to move around for over a decade after being assaulted, but complications from the injury eventually confined Valtorta to a bed for the last 28 years of her life.  During the height of World War II, on the morning of Good Friday April 23, 1943, Maria Valtorta reported a sudden voice speaking to her and asking her to write.

Thereafter, Maria Valtorta wrote almost every day until 1947 and intermittently in the following years until 1951. She would use a fountain pen and write in multiple notebooks.  It has been reported that Maria did not prepare outlines.  She did not know what she would write from one day to another and did not reread to correct.  One of her declarations is stated, “I can affirm that I have had no human source to be able to know what I write, and what, even while writing, I often do not understand.”  From 1943 to 1951, Valtorta produced over 15,000 handwritten pages in 122 notebooks.  These pages became the basis of her major work, the Poem of the Man God, and constitute about two thirds of her literary publications.

The Controversy

The Poem of the Man God gives a detailed account of the life of Jesus from his birth to crucifixion.  In many instances, the text is more elaborate than the Holy Gospels.  The book describes the many journeys of Jesus and his conversations with people such as the apostles.  Valtorta’s handwritten pages had no overwrites, corrections or revisions of any kind.  Her writings were not in sequence, some of the last chapters of the Poem of the Man God were written before the early chapters, yet the text flows smoothly between them.  Most of the episodes she wrote about have a uniform format and structure.  Maria first describes a scene, often with picturesque details of the background, the trees, the mountains and the weather conditions on that day.  Her writings display a surprising knowledge of the Holy Land.

A geologist, Vittorio Tredici, stated that Valtorta’s detailed account of the topographic, geological and mineralogical aspects of Palestine seems unexplainable.  The book names 255 specific locations in Palestine, but 52 have no biblical reference at all.  Since publication, the existence of some of these places has been confirmed using ancient documents.  In some cases, such as the Passion, Maria’s descriptions are very detailed and graphic.  Dr. Nicholas Pende expressed his surprise at the level of detail in which Valtorta depicted Christ’s spasms in Crucifixion, saying that she described “a phenomenon which only a few informed physicians would know how to explain, and she does it in an authentic medical style.”  The Poem of the Man God clears up some biblical mysteries.  The Trial of Jesus by Caiphas is discussed in all Gospels.  However, the fact that some put the event at night, while others refer to it as happening in the day has at times been viewed as a problem.

In Valtorta’s version, there are two trials, one at night and the other after daybreak.  The narrative of the Poem of the Man God includes a number of specific observations on the positions of stars and the moon.  In 1992, Purdue University physicist Lonnie VanZandt analyzed the text to estimate a date for the astronomical event described and came to the startling conclusion that it could have only occurred in AD33, which supports the book’s timeline.  In 1959, the text was placed on the Index of Forbidden Books by the Holy Office.  However, since that time the Catholic Church has been neutral on the subject.  They do not endorse the Poem of the Man God or ban it.  The six children who have reported visions of the Virgin Mary in Medjugorje have strongly supported the authenticity of the book.  It remains a mysterious achievement, as Maria Valtorta was able to produce a text similar to the Holy Bible. Chiseled on Maria’s tombstone are the words: “DIVINARUM RERUM SCRIPTRIX” (Writer of Divine Things).

2. Malleus Maleficarum

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In the 12th century, the Inquisition was started by the Roman Catholic Church.  During this time, several sectors within the justice system of the Catholic Church enforced a strict set of laws.  The Inquisition was characterized by the use of torture and executions to prevent religious heresy.  By the start of the 16th century, the Catholic Church had reached a dominant position as religious authority in western and central Europe.  Many policies were adopted during this time in history, but one of the most controversial is a set of laws regarding witches.

Between the 15th and 18th centuries, a series of witch hunts were carried out across Early Modern Europe, and to some extent in the European colonies of North America.  People believed that malevolent satanic witches were operating as an organized threat to the Catholic Church.  As one would expect, the idea that witches were a harmful and dangerous aspect to society was published in multiple novels and pamphlets.  The most notorious being the 1487 book Malleus Maleficarum.

The Controversy

People accused of witchcraft were portrayed as being worshippers of the Devil, who engaged in such acts as malevolent sorcery, and orgies at meetings known as Witches’ Sabbaths.  Many people were subsequently accused of being witches, and put on trial for their crime.  Over the entire duration of the phenomenon, an estimated total of 40,000 to 60,000 people were executed.  The psychological impact was enormous, with women having to act appropriately or fear accusations of witchcraft.  In 1487, an Inquisitor of the Catholic Church named Heinrich Kramer wrote Malleus Maleficarum.  The purpose of the text was to systematically refute arguments claiming that witchcraft does not exist, discredit those who expressed skepticism about its reality, to claim that witches were more often women than men, and to educate magistrates on the procedures to find and convict witches.

A connection between this book and the Catholic Church has raised controversy.  Kramer claimed to gain endorsement from the top theologians of the Inquision, but later the group condemned the book as unethical.  A German priest named Jacob Sprenger is attributed as an author of Malleus Maleficarum.  Historians have suggested that Kramer used Sprenger’s name without his consent to gain prominence for the work.  The preface of the book also includes endorsements from the University of Cologne’s Faculty of Theology.  Like everything else surrounding this text, claims have been made that the Catholic endorsements were a forgery by Heinrich Kramer.  The book became the law abiding handbook for secular courts throughout Renaissance Europe.  Section three describes how to prosecute a witch.

Between the years 1487 and 1520, the text was published thirteen times.  It was again published between the years of 1574 to 1669 a total of sixteen times.  Regardless of the authenticity and controversy surrounding the book’s Catholic endorsements, which appear at the beginning of the novel, their presence was never removed and strongly contributed to the popularity of the text.  Persecution of witches became more constant and brutal following the publication of the Malleus, with witchcraft being accepted as a real and dangerous phenomenon.  The text asserts that three elements are necessary for witchcraft, the evil-intentioned witch, the help of the Devil, and the Permission of God.

The book is full of erroneous statements, including the implication that all women who don’t cry during their trial were witches.  In modern times the book has been condemned as a work of hatred towards women, as it specifically mentions individual characteristics of female witches, including all ladies with a strong personality.  The very title of the Malleus Maleficarum is feminine, alluding to the idea that it was women who were the villains.  Otherwise, it would be the Malleus Maleficorum, which is the masculine form of the Latin noun for witch.  The book accuses witches of infanticide, cannibalism, casting evil spells to harm their enemies, and having the power to steal men’s penises.  It gives detailed accounts of witches committing these crimes.  How the text became so popular and accepted as fact remains a bit of a mystery.

1. Sexual Behavior in the Human Male

kinsey

Alfred Kinsey was an American biologist who in 1947 founded the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction.  Before launching one of the largest studies on sexual reproduction in United States history, Kinsey was a professor of entomology and zoology.  He wrote two of the most controversial books of the 20th century, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953).  In the publications, Kinsey analyzes data on the frequency with which people participate in various types of sexual activity and looks at how factors such as age, social-economic status and religious adherence influence sexual behavior.  Kinsey makes many comparisons between female and male sexual activities.

In the 1940s, the book astounded the general public and was immediately controversial.  It caused shock and outrage, both because it challenged the conventional belief about sexuality and because the book discussed subjects that had previously been taboo.  Alfred Kinsey is generally regarded as the father of sexology, which is the systematic, scientific study of human sexuality.  His work has profoundly influenced social and cultural values in the United States and many other countries.  However, after examining his subject data, people have began to wonder how Alfred Kinsey was able to obtain the information.

The Controversy

Alfred Kinsey’s sex research went far beyond interviews with participants.  It included direct observation and sexual activity.  He engaged in a large amount of direct homosexual behavior in his research.  Kinsey justified this as being necessary to gain the confidence of his subjects.  He encouraged his staff to do likewise, and to experiment with a wide range of sexual acts.  Kinsey argued that the experience would help his staff understand the participant responses.  As part of his research, Alfred Kinsey set up an area in his attic to privately film sexual acts.  In response to this, author James H. Jones and British psychiatrist Theodore Dalrymple, amongst others, have speculated that Kinsey was driven by his own sexual needs.

After Alfred Kinsey’s untimely death in 1956, the real controversy started to emerge regarding data in tables 30 to 34 of the male volume.  In the text, Kinsey calculated numbers surrounding pre-adolescent orgasms.  He reported observations of orgasms in over three-hundred children between the ages of five months and fourteen years.  The information was said to have come from childhood memories or from parent and teacher observations.  Kinsey also said that he interviewed nine men who had previous sexual experiences with kids.  These men described the children’s responses and reactions to Kinsey.  These facts have raised immediate concerns regarding Alfred Kinsey’s overall approach to research.

The information included in the male volume could not have been obtained without collaboration from a child molester.  The Kinsey Institute denies the charge, claiming that Alfred used information from one participant and presented it as being from various individuals.  Additionally, people have concerns over the sample population that was selected by Alfred Kinsey.  In experimentation, the collection of a sample is a simple statistical procedure.  However, it seems that Kinsey used a disproportionate number of prisoners, prostitutes, and especially gay men.  He didn’t use any black people in the work.  All of this evidence has given rise to an anti-Kinsey movement around the world, which was started in 1981 by Judith Reisman.